Beware of 'Friends' Who Don't Want You to Succeed

Ambition Vampires are everywhere

There’s a big difference between a friend and a friend-with-an-asterisk.

Nothing is as make-or-break as the types of people you choose to surround yourself with.

There are two types you need to avoid at all costs, and a third type that you should seek out if you really want to achieve your goals…

I’ll start with the ones you should keep at arms length (at a minimum).

The ones who keep you in your lane

Your friends (you likely only have 1-2 people who meet this definition) will be on your side no matter what.

Most people think of someone like this and they think of the person who will “have my back when the chips are down”.

That’s not what I mean when I say “no matter what”.

Contrary to popular opinion, it’s actually really easy for most people to support someone during the bad times. Having a friend who’s “going through some shit” makes people feel superior. Lending a helping hand makes them feel grandiose and godlike.

When you’re the friend who needs help, you’re not a burden, you’re an ego-inflating mechanism in human form.

When I say “no matter what”, I’m talking about the people who will still be there when you make it. Not with an outstretched hand, begging for jobs and free stuff. I mean someone who’s genuinely happy for you without a hint of jealousy. The people who can see you surpass them and be like “damn, bro, that’s awesome.”

That’s rare to the point of being nonexistent.

What you most likely have are a lot of friends*. Your friends* will exert an oftentimes not-so-subtle amount of pressure on you to Stay in Your Lane.

It can come in the form of snide little backhanded compliments, it can be in the form of behavior (trying to get you to keep doing the self-destructive things you’ve always done), it can be in the form of gossip behind your back.

As you rise up in the hierarchy of life, you’ll start to notice that your “he’s a chill dude” friends will start to feel like they’re made out of lead. The higher you go, the more noticeable the dead weight becomes.

You have to cut the chain, and the sooner the better.

It’s natural to feel the urge to lend a helping hand. But you can’t lift someone up to your level. It’s simply not possible. If someone wants more, they have to go out and get it for themselves. It’s an unfortunate law of human nature that pulling someone can only go in one direction. You can’t reach down and lift someone up to your level, but they sure as shit can grab ahold of you and drag you back down into the gutter you came from.

The dreamers

People who love to talk but never take action are another type of person you want to avoid.

These are the types of people you meet at networking events and business school. They love to pontificate and talk about the business they’re going to build…once they achieve [insert milestone here] or after they get experience in the field or once they have [insert amount of money here] in the bank.

Dreamers are a dangerous type of person to be around because talking to them gives you the illusion of being on the right track. After all, don’t successful people like to “talk business”?

Interacting with these types will kill any ambition you’ve ever had. You too will become satisfied with talking the talk. There’s no risk. It floods your brain with dopamine, similar to thinking about what you’d do if you won the lottery.

But it won’t get you any closer to where you want to be.

Who you should hang out with

Your social circle should be entirely other people who are actually doing things in life.

It doesn’t have to be all business owners. It could be artistic types who are actually going for it. It could be athletes. Anyone who is doing something out of the norm.

They’ll actually inspire you in the sense that they’ll make you feel like you’re not doing enough.

No feel good brain chemicals. No “practical wisdom”. Just real people pushing the boundaries of what society tells you is possible.

Over time, surrounding yourself with action-takers makes the abnormal seem normal. It makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong if you ever find yourself following the path of the masses (in any domain).

That’s the headspace you need to be in.

Accepting anything less is just you setting yourself up for failure.

This advice may sound harsh. That’s because it is.

If you choose to define yourself as a good-natured people person and put a disproportionate value on your interpersonal relationships, fair enough.

Just know that you’re choosing to forgo the experience of fulfilling your ambition. In my opinion, that’s not a price worth paying.

You only get to live on this earth for a preposterously limited block of time. Why not see how far you can go before it all ends?