Keep Your Losses to Yourself

aka don't beg Google for a reversal

There’s nothing more pathetic than logging on to X and looking at the SEO bitch-and-moan fest from the many casualties of Google’s last few updates.

This is doubly true if they’re whining about their lack of traffic as literal comments on Google’s own posts.

Here are the comments from a generic Happy New Year post from Google Search Console:

First things first: the only person in the world who cares about your website is you.

Do you really think someone at Google (I like to imagine the hypothetical G employee as a fat guy with stubble on his 3 chins and a ponytail wearing an IBM-style short sleeve white button-up shirt audibly clicking his mouse in a deathly quiet poorly lit room [not sure if it’s because it’s nighttime and he’s working late or maybe he just prefers the darkness] before squinting and chuckling at something on his computer monitor that’s only visible to the viewer as a reflection in his glasses but that’s just me) is going to read it and be like “oh wow Prajeet #25871 is mad about the update. Call up the devs, call somebody I don’t care who we need to reverse this STAT!”

I know you think that your site is the most important thing in the world but honestly it’s a drop in the bucket and no one cares. Especially at Google.

Google hates SEOs. They wish that SEO as a concept didn’t even exist. If the people who manipulate search engine rankings for a living are Big Mad then as far as Google is concerned it was a job well done.

Google hates YOU.

I mean technically they don’t even know that you exist but you get what I’m saying. If they did somehow become aware of your existence then they would despise you and want you to suffer.