[Begin internal monologue of someone who wants to do something big but can’t motivate themselves to do it]
This is stupid. Who the hell am I to think I could accomplish something like this. No one I know does anything noteworthy or difficult and they seem happy enough. So why exactly am I doing this?
Because I want to. But if I want to do it then why is it so hard to get myself to actually do it?
Because thinking is the root of all fear, and I’m spending too much time thinking. Doing things doesn’t scare the shit out of me, but thinking about them sure as shit does. Maybe I should stop thinking so much.
Ok then. That settles it. I’m going to do it. The first step is always the hardest. That’s what everyone says. I’ll just do something small. That’ll get the ball rolling then everything afterwards will be easier.
But man I’m so comfortable right now. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow. Scratch that. I’ll definitely do it tomorrow. In the grand scheme of things there’s no difference between doing it now or doing it tomorrow, so I might as well wait. It’ll be easier tomorrow. I’ll be in a better mood. I didn’t sleep well last night. Everyone knows that each hour of sleep you lose is the equivalent of losing ten IQ points. At least I think that’s true. It sounds true anyway. I’ll make sure to get a good night’s rest then tomorrow everything will be easier.
Fucking hell. There I go lying to myself again. I already knew that train of thought was bullshit before I even started thinking it. So why did I let myself think it? Because I’m a procrastinating POS and can’t motivate myself to do anything.
I’ve been planning/thinking about doing this forever. Now’s the time. If I don’t do it it’s going to keep lingering at the back of my mind and I won’t be able to relax. Just take the first step, it’ll be easy. I’ll do the real work tomorrow. Just get the ball rolling, that’s it.
But I do have a few errands to run. I should get those out of the way first. Isn’t that important too? The big grand goals matter but day-to-day life gets in the way sometimes. It’s better than doing nothing. It’s not like I’m sitting in front of the TV all day like everyone else, I’m being productive. Get the errands out of the way and do it tomorrow.
No. There I go bullshitting myself again. I need to do what I actually set out to do, no more distracting myself with mundane bullshit.
But what if I fail? Maybe I need another day, another week, another month of planning and researching. Being prepared is a sign of responsibility. Being impulsive is stupid. Plan more. It’s part of the process. It’s not procrastination, it’s being smart. I’m smart, so I think about things. The more I think the more likely I’ll be to avoid failure.
Shit.
There I go again, rationalizing not doing it. Ok, now I’m really going to do it. No more thinking. Just go.